The First Step

Is there anyone who truly finishes everything they start? I know I am not that person. Sometimes, I look back on a trail of dying container gardens and incomplete knitting projects, and think that my goals of changing my habits might just be another pipe dream that will be half-forgotten in a week, and a hazy blur in life's rear view mirror in a month.

When these thoughts start to discourage me, or slow me down, I remind myself that I said I was going back to school, and now I am three credits away from my degree. I can achieve my goals when they are big enough to truly mean something to me, so if I want to be successful in changing my habits, I need to focus on the bigger picture.

In the last 24 hours, I've taken some big steps. Big step #1, tell my husband about my plan to start running. In the past, the fear of failure and the shame of acknowledging the reality of my inertia would have kept me hugging my ambitions close to my vest. I know my husband will always support me in anything, but my fears have always been more about myself than other people. Opening up about my goals (to start running, and eventually to compete in a runDisney event) forces me to set aside my fears, or at least not let them control me. It is also a tacit acknowledgement that I can't do it alone. I need the support of others to achieve my goal, and I won't get that support until I put myself out there.

Big step #2 was to take the information I've gained by reading and researching training programs, and actually take the first step. Today, May 13, I went on the first run of my life. Okay, we'll, to be technical, it was alternating intervals of running and walking, but I did it. In public, no less!! And you know what? I made it! I didn't die of embarrassment, I didn't keel over out of exhaustion, and I didn't collapse into a shameful heap when I was done. Granted, I didn't go very fast, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that I said I was going to do it, and I did it. I don't kid myself that the road ahead will be a tough one, but I have taken the first step, and I am already farther than I imagined I could be, even a week ago.

And that feels pretty freaking good.